Gussie's Scary Story

By way of introduction...Asta tagged Gus to play the "name game" some time ago. He said it was no fun, because everyone else had already done it, and no one wants to read his stuff when they've read a hundred others almost like it. I suggested he work out the names and use them in a story. It has taken him forever, probably because of interruptions caused by DWB Pawties. He has also spent the last couple of days agonizing over Janie, at one point suggesting that we see if Bussie's mom would trade us Janie for Teka. Now what good that would do, I don't know. Anyway.

Here is what he came up with...finally. And my apologies to Gus and his muse, but some of his passages were just too gorey to believe..he has caught the spirit of this holiday big time.

"It was a Dark and Stormy night," and Famous Rock star Kitty Kurve sat with her sometime boyfriend Gangster PBJ Cannoli in his nightclub on the Delmar loop where her tour of St. Louis was starting. "Peanut" she said, "Don’t you think we should hire that crooked detective, Rouge Canine to help us find the missing soap star?"

"Sweetie, you know youse can have anything you want" said PBJ . " When did your friend "NoMiNa Landham, MD go missing?"

"Right after we had dinner at White Castle" said Kitty.

Now that was a scary thought, and brought visions of a terrible fate for her friend. "And she ate six of them!"

"Wow!" said PBJ "that’s a lot of belly bombs in her tiny tummy!"

Rouge Canine met them at her office in Clayton. Looking out over the city from her 21st floor office, she carefully considered the evidence in the case. "I think this calls for assistance from my favorite robot Dag-gu" She glided gracefully to the closet on the left of the office and easily pulled the small robot out of the closet. Clapping her hands twice and twitching her nose, she activated the powerful brain living in the body that closely resembled a shaggy wire fox terrier.

"Dag-gu, we must find the missing soap opera star immediately" she said. "There is not much time to waste, and much time has already been wasted by consulting Red le Fin du Monde, the incredibly handsome, unbelievably stupid superhero ."

"Waarf" said Dag-gu. And he toodled off to the elevator, where he used a long pencil to punch in the floor for the Lobby.

"How did he know where we were going" asked PBJ?

"Aah, that’s the only floor he can really reach" said Rouge "so that’s where he always ends up!"

In the lobby, they met Ace Glennon, NASCAR driver and former fiancé of Kitty Kurve. "Hey Rouge baby" he said "I was just on my way up to see yer." "I was hopin you might help me find my old flame Kitty ."

"Here I am you speed demon" said Kitty. "Just what do you want, anyway?" I hope you are not looking for a reconciliation, because it is never going to happen."

"Aaaahhhrgh" said Ace " I think I will just go drive into a wall at high speeds."

"Well make sure you don’t damage the car " said PBJ "I happen to have a half interest in that you know, and my mother’s friends at the Fratellanza own the other half."

Ace muttered something under his breath and stormed off, leaving our intrepid quartet to make their way back to the limousine that PBJ had standing at the curb.

Their driver was none other than Red le Fin du Monde, in the very close company of stripper Muzzer Carver, whose name in the federal witness protection program is Ann Keith.

They were watching Burke Bimidji, the new weather person on KSD-TV talk about the cold front approaching the area in time to freeze all the little fairies and ballerinas while they went out to Trick or Treat.

On the side walk at the corner of DeBusschier and DeBalivier, they found aging hippie Poached Eggie Kibble Tree sitting patiently in full lotus position with a sign that said "Has Anybody seen NoMiNa?" in large psychedelic letters.

"Hey-ya" said Red le Fin du Monde, superhero noted for his verbal acuity. "What-cha lookin for NoMiNa for anyway, huh?"

"She is my long lost daughter" said Poached Eggie. "I recently inherited a fortune from my grandfather, Auggie, and would like to have her come home to live with me." "As the black sheep of my family I now have incredible wealth, but none of my friends or acquaintances are around any longer to share my good fortune. My first thought was of my darling daughter."

"If she really is your long lost daughter, tell me what her name means." said Kitty.

Why her name means NO MIddle NAme." said Poached Eggie. "I named her after a question on her birth certificate that I could not otherwise have answered, because I have no middle name."

Suddenly across the street, a car horn honked. "Hey" shouted a voice "I’m over here."

It was indeed NoMiNa driving a cute little red sportscar fitted out with NASCAR symbols. "Look what my new boyfriend ACE gave me to drive!" she said elatedly. "It goes really fast."

"But where have you been?" Kitty asked.

"Oh, I really got laid low by those belly bombs" said NoMiNa. "From now on, I’m sticking to Steak n Shake!"

"Hurry up guys, we’re gonna be to late to catch my favorite cartoon Collarie Melon about a philanthropist who gives all his money to build libraries for dogs!"

"Now that sounds like a fine idea" said Poached Eggie. "I think I’ll get rid of this tainted money and live simply again."

"Well" said Kitty " I have to be on my way. My new Walkies Rainbow Tour starts this evening, and I have a couple of costume adjustments to make for NoMiNa. She lost a lot of weight on her White Castle diet, and we wouldn’t want her costumes to fall off in the middle of her dance number."

"Wait, wait" said Muzzer Carver. "Someone tell me please just what is wrong with that?"

THE END

Where our characters got their names

YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favorite stuffie + tail characteristic)
YOUR GANGSTER NAME: (favorite kong-filler + favorite cookie)

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color + favorite animal species)

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + city where you were born)

YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name)

YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: ("2nd favorite color + favorite drink)NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)

STRIPPER NAME: (your favorite scent + favorite treat)

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names

TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (your vet’narin’s last name + a major city that starts with the same letter)

CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit + article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast + your favorite plant)
YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: ("The" + Your favorite hobby + favorite weather element + "Tour")